refuge

don't have much time tonight. i decided to begin writing this 30 minutes before bedtime. chuck says if the wind is calm in the morning we goin' fishin'. 5am comes right early and i'm not used to getting up so early these days as i have gotten fat and lazy, what with surgery recuperations and all. i have been considering writing this tribute for quite some time and so i aim to finish it in a few installments while here for what may perhaps be my last extended stay of the summer....

for, well, um, 31 years now our family camp at grand isle has been my refuge. it has served me well in the midst of too many storms to count. i have navigated many rough waters and done so much soul searching from this place. i think i'll just list a few of my favorite things:

walking the beach, collecting old rubber fishing tout baits that have washed up and feathers for my favorite fishing hat (which miraculously made it through the summer of the BP renters). i coulda sworn that when we came to collect our things before renting the camp out last summer that i had finally taken leave of my senses and thrown that old hat away. i don't know when i got that hat, but i have been having it as long as i can remember. and i am sooo glad it made it. my first trip of the summer risajoy pointed to the hat rack on the wall and said, "there's your hat, mom". i was estatic! a good hat that has so many priceless memories attached to it is just so hard to find. i've done more than collect hat trinkets while walking that beach. i've done so much talking to God that the sound of my voice will echo throughout an eternity of eternities; so much crying that He must have a six pack x about a thousand to hold all the tears; felt so much wonder at the awesome terrible-ness of the strength of that mighty ocean; offered so much praise at the wonder of this beautiful creation that He fashioned just for me.

sitting out on the new camp's deck which is about 15 feet up in the air, after everyone else has gone to bed, ipod in my ear and singing praises with the stars to our very wise and gracious Creator. i love to stretch back in my chair and just stare at that cloudless sky full of twinkling lights (and tonight's half-moon). lately i've been contemplating the stars and how i have heard scientists say that they are so many light years away and it takes soooo long for that twinkle that we see with our eyes to reach us...light years??....why that star might not even exist today. now THAT'S the most mind-boggling thing and i just can't hardly wrap my little pea brain around the thought. that i can actually see something that doesn't even exist anymore.... kinda throws reality into a bit of a tailspin if you ask me. there have been nights here when i have been just questioning everything about my life, especially the spiritual stuff....i have just laid myself spread eagled out on the picnic table on that deck and stared and stared into that black twinkling void. God are You there??????????????????????? are You here??????????? where the heck ARE You God???????????????????????? course He is. more tomorrow. night.