jar of clay

i woke up this morning thinking about last night's post.  i was embarrassed that i had let my emotions run amuk and was tempted to delete it.  then i remembered that that would probably be cheating.  and so in a feeble attempt at explanation i will say that obviously i was feeling quite melancholy.  for 29 years my sister and i shared the same anniversary day.  the four of us went out and celebrated that date together for a good many of those years.  now they are divorced.  this is actually the 2nd anniversary of the breaking of that bond as the breakup was last year around this time.  i woke up yesterday morning to a text on my phone from ash wishing me and uncle chuck a happy anniversary.  i was touched that she would take the time to do that, considering what she has been through with the breakup of her own parents' marriage.  as the day passed there was nothing from 2/3 of our own children. no texts.  no phone calls.  as 1/3 of them were here spending time with us, obviously their sentiments were expressed.  and so i was sad and disappointed not to hear those two little words from those who know us best.  and that's all i have to say about that.  my children are top notch humans who, like me, are not perfect. no not at all. and in the larger scope of things, that's ok, really.  it better be or i'm in a whole lotta trouble myself!


the whole episode got me thinking though that, try as i might to live and let live and put no expectations upon others, it is not an easy thing to actually DO.  those of us who attempt to live by the principles Jesus taught remember His words and hopefully do not expect repayment when we give to those who are unable to repay.  however i am seeing that i do have expectations of those who are closest to me.   i strive to show honor, respect and love in a non-materialistic way to my family and friends...by my words and my actions......and so i  - expect - to be repaid in kind.   i LOVE to give gifts.  but that is not what i am getting at here.  when i give a material gift it is usually with no strings attached.  i say "usually" because i am always hesitant to brand myself with perfection.  but for the most part i really do not expect to get something of material worth in return.  but what i find is that when it comes to giving attention and appreciating value and worth it is another story.  ok then, this is just getting too convoluted and so i better stop while i am ahead...or in the middle....or whatever.


we are still enjoying spending time with the grandfox and now, his parents.  after the initial shock of going from just mimi and pop pop to all four of us at one time, he has adjusted well.  of course mommy is firmly at the center of his universe (drat it :) but that is the way it usually goes and i do remember my own glory days as i watch.  it is a club that only the initiated can fully appreciate or understand and i do pray that all of you, gentle readers, will be so blessed and fortunate.

and so that concludes this episode of a very flawed miss manners for this night.  i think i shall go out onto the deck and tell the stars goodnight.  i do find that i am generally in a better frame of heart, mind and spirit than i was last year at this time.  i am no longer screaming into the face of God.  and that is a very nice frame in which to be :)


OMG!!!  Metorite shower.  8 shooting stars......awesommmmmeeee!!!!